breathe. breathe. breathe. It's getting increasingly more difficult. I have no motivation to do anything at work these days, yet, I still get worked up over some things. I need a balance of not caring, but still getting things done, to keep my job. but i don't want my job, so how is that supposed to work? I know I need the money, which is why I am still here... but the way I feel every day is terrible. I can't do this assurance renewal because I don't want to lie for this company anymore. Well I never really did, but I'm just so so sick of it. I wish I were still a tech, so I could just do the mindless work and get through the next 18 days. After the wedding I really HAVE to get out of here. Even 18 days is just too long. And what if I can't get out of here then? People are living in TENTS in Florida because they can't find jobs. I actually have a job, but maybe I would rather be living in a tent... All I can think is, "this better be worth it." It's terrible that those are my thoughts most of the time. This is should be a really happy time in my life. I almost can't remember what it's like to be really happy. It's so infrequent now. ok i have to go because i'm sitting at my desk starting to cry. time to hide in the bathroom.
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