ConsumeMyLove_DevourMyHate on Healthkicker

Weblog

keeping it together

i'm crying as i'm trying to write my vows. so how am I supposed to say them on Sunday? i'm not stressed about anything anymore, but i wasn't nervous until today...

so since this "weblog" is on healthkicker, i am going to talk about my health. aren't you thrilled? I started The Cleaner again. It was only something like 8 weeks ago that I took it for 9 days, but my belly bloat is back and I think I might still (or again) have parasites. Probably lots of waste builds up in my body quickly because i'm so damn stressed and depressed lately. 16 days until the wedding. oh and i have not been eating too well or exercizing in the past 2 months. go me. and i really want Su Tao for dinner tonight. I've been drinking cranberry juice everyday for 5 days now. stay away infections. what else? oh i got new contacts last week. man am i friggin blind. I have a really bad bruise about 3 inches up from my wrist on my arm (on the topside), and poison ivy on my hand and possibly my arm. Two things you definitely want right before your wedding. The good news: I'm not dead yet!

EDIT: We are so bad for each other. Josh: "We should go to Su Tao tonight!"

breathe. breathe. breathe. It's getting increasingly more difficult. I have no motivation to do anything at work these days, yet, I still get worked up over some things. I need a balance of not caring, but still getting things done, to keep my job. but i don't want my job, so how is that supposed to work? I know I need the money, which is why I am still here... but the way I feel every day is terrible. I can't do this assurance renewal because I don't want to lie for this company anymore. Well I never really did, but I'm just so so sick of it. I wish I were still a tech, so I could just do the mindless work and get through the next 18 days. After the wedding I really HAVE to get out of here. Even 18 days is just too long. And what if I can't get out of here then? People are living in TENTS in Florida because they can't find jobs. I actually have a job, but maybe I would rather be living in a tent... All I can think is, "this better be worth it." It's terrible that those are my thoughts most of the time. This is should be a really happy time in my life. I almost can't remember what it's like to be really happy. It's so infrequent now. ok i have to go because i'm sitting at my desk starting to cry. time to hide in the bathroom.

name change

So I noticed that one the updates in Xanga is the ability changing your user name. Unfortunatly you have to pay to keep it on Xanga, so now I'm here, on healthkicker. We'll see if I even post here. I just thought it was time for a name change for commenting purposes. I think Ben would appreciate it.

New layout. Azulito love! Don't tell Taches and Bogie about
this cause they will get jealous. Actually the only reason i'm
back here is cause i've been in a graphic arts kinda mood lately
and ran out of layouts to mess with. read the LJ.